Medications Arrived

Well, all my IVF meds arrived today in a big brown box. I was excited to open it and we broke out the video camera to capture the event.

Sitting in my pink pajamas talking to the camera, I pulled out box by box by box, and then needles and more needles and more everything. I couldn't help it and broke into tears. It's so overwhelming. I know once I get the habit of all of this I will look back and chuckle at my naivete, but right now I have much fear.

Fear about the injections, the pain, the sense of mortality, the hassle, the hormones, the emotions, the needles, the bruises, the what if I don't do it rights, the what if he doesn't do it rights, it all hit me at once and I wept. All I could muster to say was "I'm scared."

Because I am, I'm scared of this process though I know I will proceed with it, I'm scared of becoming pregnant and scared of losing that pregnancy, I'm scared of becoming a mother and not being a good enough mother, I'm so very conscious of the transition my life is in right now that it feels like the emotions will just bubble right out of me. The fertility acupuncture treatments help to relax me but they are still more appointments, more 45 minutes drives, more being social when I feel everything but social, sometimes this process is so overwhelming it just feels like a battle.

When I have more resources, I can plow through this without blinking, with a steel and stoic face, only focusing on the goal. But it's times like this that I have to take a step back and remind myself of why I'm doing this. The goal is not just to get through the injections. The goal is not to be avoid being crazy under the hormones. The goal is not just to get pregnant. The goal is to create our child. To be able to feel our children in my womb, to combine the love for my husband and create a being of our own, parent that being with love and all the experience we have in the hopes he or she will be loving and happy. There are so many moments waiting for us out there, that ultimately this will be only a blip on the radar, but damn if this isn't a mission.



A picture of the meds that arrived today:



The pharmacy also let me know they made an "oopsie"and rather than $1085 for my meds, it was actually $2,322. Yeah, oopsie! :-)

Ordering Medications

The "Fertility Pharmacy" called me today to set up my order and make payment for my medications.

Below is what will arrive on Saturday, "signature required":

Leuprolide 1mg/0.2 2-Wks Kits
Doxycycline 100 mg - Tablets
HCG 10,000 U Vials 10,000 units - Injection
Medrol 16 mg - Tablets
Tranxene 7.5 mg - Tablets
Syringe 3cc 18g 1.5 in
Syringe 3cc 22g 1.5 in
Needle 27g 5/8 in
Needle Disposal System
Cycle Kit
Loestrin 1.5/30 1 Tablet Tablet - Tablets
Menopur 75 IU - Injection
Needle 25g 1.5 in
Syringe Insulin
Prometrium 200 mg - Capsule
Gonal-f RFF Pen 900 -- IU - Injection

Total Bill For Medications: $1,085 $2,322. Thank god, I'll get reimbursed by my god-send benefits.

Instructions: Upon receipt, go through each medication and compare it to the above list, call if something isn't there or something doesn't seem right with my order. No item needs to be refridgerated.

Trial Transfer Complete

Wow. Just wow. I don't think I've been as excited and overwhelmed as I am today after our appointment.

M and I met up in the same ole parking lot we're getting accustomed to, and headed to the clinic. I wasn't as nervous as last time (which wasn't as nervous as the last, last time) and began nursing my 24 oz water bottle. They said I needed A LOT of water for my transfer, so chug a lug it went. (it almost felt like back in my 'younger' days when it wasn't water I was drinking, ya hear.)

After arriving, I really had to pee. I mean really. We made our brief movie that we do, and headed into the clinic. Shortly after my name was called a tech (whom I've not seen before) led me back into the rooms I'm getting used to, and had me undress and redress with the infamous paper gown. Into the ultrasound room we went. I told M that I remember my prior surgery that required a 'full bladder' and I bet I was 'going to fail the full-bladder-test' based on their standards. Sure enough, she lubed up the ultrasound, put it to my belly and said "Nope, not full enough." She showed me where my bladder was on the monitor, and showed me my uterus, and told me what it SHOULD look like. Ok, so I was no where near where I needed to be. Clothes back on. Another 24 oz of water in my hand, and into Dr. O's office we went to have our consultation. She said that after the consultation, we would redo the ultrasound and trial transfer once my bladder became more full.

Into Dr. O's office we went: We had written down a list of questions that we wanted answered this time around (pre-ordering the meds, the needle injections classes, statistics etc etc)

He answered all of our questions while I sipped, sipped, sipped my water and M did well to keep us on track with the questions as my need-to-pee was growing stronger.

Some facts told to us by Dr. O:

- One embryo has a 55% chance of implanting with a 55% chance of pregnancy

- Two embryos have a 55% chance of implanting with an 80% chance of pregnancy

-With my age and the fact that I don't have any fertility issues, he'd feel comfortable placing our chances of one embryo implanting up to 70%.


HOLY CRAP!! Here we've been thinking that each embryo had a 35% chance, and thus we've always assumed we would transfer over two, but by transfering over two, we'd have greater than a 50% shot of having twins. Yikes.

Of course all of this is dependent on the quality of our embryos, which we won't know for several weeks, but it's important that M and I have these discussions now so we know what to do when we reach our transfer dates. Dr. O said we would get our IVF schedule today (!!!omg!!!!) and gave us the info we needed. I started to fade at the end of our meeting because the need-to-pee became so strong I started seeing dots.

"Um, ya'll, I really need to pee."

Dr. O jumped up and led us to the ultrasound room, and they began the trial transfer procedure. The nice and lovely tech (my fave so far) made a comment that my bladder was definitely fuller as my stomach was protruding, and in Dr. O went with the empty catheter. I could barely focus on the screen this time, because the need-to-pee was so strong I wanted to do anything but THAT at that moment. All I wanted to do was pee. Sounds crazy, but try it and get back to me.

M was smart to ask the doc if we could get images and videos of all of the procedures there have been thus far. They said sure! The tech then did a movie of the trial transfer and saved it. Next time, Ill go in with a flash drive and save it all. (not sure who would want to see a movie of an empty catheter going into my uterus, but I sure do!)

Then Dr. O said what I was dreading. "You know, your bladder could be a little more full for the actual day of the embryo transfer."

"More full?!!?" I barked. (I tried not to bark too much as I'd probably end up doing a pee-bark)

They ultimately said they don't want me TOO uncomfortable or in pain, but that yes, it would be best if I drank more water for the 'real day'. Immediately after the trial transfer, I threw on my pants and ran to the restroom. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I bet you know how that was.

Dr. O was attending another poor-gotta-pee-now lady and we talked to the receptionist about getting my IVF schedule, scheduling my needle injection class and ordering my hormone injections. We waited in the waiting room and a nurse came out with my IVF schedule. This is it! This is it! She calculated all of the tasks for the next month, based on my next cycle. My chart says I should get my period around January 2 or 3rd, so all dates are based off of that. If indeedy I go over or under, then the schedule will be re-adjusted to accomdate. Ok, you ready? Are you really ready?

Here goes:

• 1/3/08 - Period Starts


• 1/4/08 - Go into the office/ baseline ultrasound/blood work


• 1/4/08 (same day) - Start Birth Control Pills and low dose of aspirin


• 1/13/08 - Begin injecting myself with Lupron/ keep taking the BCP


• 1/19/08 - Stop taking the BCP/ Keep taking the Lupron injections


• 1/24/08 - Go into the office /ultrasound/blood work/ reproductive suppression check


• 1/25/08 - Reduce Lupron amount/ Begin new injection of Gonadotropin (each morning from 6-8am and night from 4-7pm)


• 1/27/08 - Go into Office / Blood drawn


• 1/30/08 - Go into Office / Blood drawn/ ultrasound


• 1/31/08 - Blood and ultrasounds every 2 days until follicles are mature


• 02/03/08 - "Trigger Date" (subject to change depending on how I'm doing on the meds)/ Inject myself with HCG hormone


• 2/04/08 - Go into Office / Blood drawn


• 2/05/08 -Egg Retrieval Day / Begin new progesterone injections


• 2/06/08 - Fertilization Report - Office will call me and tell me how many of my eggs fertilized


• 2/08/08 or 2/10/08 - Embryo Transfer Date (3 or 5 day embryos based on quality)


• 2/19/08 - Go into the Office /Blood Drawn/ Pregnancy test

WOW!! Holy appointments and needle injections batman!!They almost need to use the back of one piece a paper to capture all of the must-dos. So, now we wait until my period. If it so happens that I get my period while visiting family over Xmas, I have a couple of options. To go get an ultrasound in that state's hospital, or to wait another full menstrual cycle. Ugh. I would hate to do that. I think I would instead go to the hospital and get an ultrasound and blood work done, before waiting another 40+ days.

Next Steps:

• Wait until my period comes and go in for my baseline ultrasound and bloodwork - Scheduled right now for 01/04/08.