CD 12- Day 9 of Stims

Today was another ultrasound and bloodwork. I admit, I was a bit hesitant to go in, I had an appointment two days ago and felt like Dr. O may have been having a rough day himself, or I felt, he may be treating me differently ever since I gave him my eSET letter the day prior.

I don't think doctors realize how their own moods affect their patients, and how patients may recieve their behavior as an indication of their own success. Last appointment I was by myself, and I felt tension between us two, and this time M went and definitely stated that there was something a little off with Dr.O.

Before beginning the ultrasound I had told Dr. O that everything appeared to be going well, and then asked him to confirm that assessment. He said "Sure, but there is one thing concerning me." He then proceeded to tell me that I didn't have a lot of follicles and that if I didn't have a alot of follicles, then I may not have a lot of embryos, and my 'wish' for a single transfer may be 'very difficult'.

It felt as though he was using scare tactics to push me into a double transfer or more. It felt weird. It didn't feel right. I stared in his eyes, and focused on every twinge on his face, similar to how I do anyone I think is bullshitting me.

The thing that really got me was he hadn't even done the ultrasound yet, and was going based on my ultrasound results from two days ago, which was only 7 days of stims. You can't really give a good assessment of follicles on day 7, thus to say something that bold seemed to be coming from a place that wasn't genuine.

I felt like I was being subjected to the same medical foolishness that women are bullied with at hospitals during labor and birth. The scare tactics and manipulation that is used to further an agenda that has nothing to do with labor and birth, and everything to do with liability and price tags. I looked at my husband and I know we were both thinking the same thing.

He did the ultrasound, and like the past couple times, it was painful. He measured all of the follicles he could see and there had been growth from my previous appointment. He appeared to back pedal a bit and said he found 10-15 follicles total. In the research that I've done and the many IVF stories I've read, I know that 10-15 follicles are normal if not good for the stage I'm in on the stimulation drugs.

Normally he stays and answers questions, shakes our hand and tells us goodbye, the last appointment by myself he didn't stay around at all, pulled out the wand and dashed out, this time around he said "Have a great day" and walked away quickly. I don't know if he is just busy or what, but it certainly feels like to me that he has a problem with us only wanting to put back one embryo.

I got my ultrasound results and there are 14 good looking follicles growing. I have another appointment with him tomorrow and if I sense this same tension, I'm going to call him on it. It's that simple. It feels really crummy to not have your doctor on your side when he's the caregiver.

I'd like to think I'm blowing this out of proportion and perhaps this is a paranoid manifestation of the 50 millions hormones I'm on, but my gut, my gut tells me we're in for some tough decisions in the future.

M and I have only made up our minds about a perfect quality blastocyst, but we've never really decided on how many to trasnfer if all we have is low to good quality embryos.

Sigh. More to consider in less than a week. For now, I've gotta finish school homework.

Estrogen Levels:
Estrogen Level on Suppression Check: 32
Estrogen Level on Day 3 of stims: 80
Estrogen Level on Day 5 of stims: 192
Estrogen Level on Day 7 of stims: 529
Estrogen Level on Day 9 of stims: 1157