Monday, March 3, 2008

6w5d - Poppy's Heartbeat!

Poppy has a heartbeat!

That's right folks, our little creature of wonder surprised us all today. The moment the wand was in, the doc said "yep, there's the heartbeat!!"

"What do you mean!" I said and looked at the screen. Dr. O said it was perfect, beating at 144, the gestational sac and yolk sac were measuring perfect, he was thrilled. HE was thrilled, WE were thrilled!

I burst into tears (wand in me and everything) and the doc took his measurements and a small movie of Poppy's heartbeat. What a sweet heartbeat it is.

Thank you so much for everyone's prayers, good thoughts and well wishes. We couldn't be more happy.

And now onto Poppy's Second Debut. We call this "Flippin' The World Off With My New Arm Buds".

Measuring the Gestational Sac


Yolk Sac and Poppy!! My how you have grown!


Yolk Sac and Poppy, he's totally doing the cabbage patch in this picture


Measuring the heartbeat!!


Doubled in size since last appointment, must be the strong genetics :D

Sunday, March 2, 2008

6w4d

I admit it, I'm scared for tomorrow's appointment. I'm scared they still won't be able to find the heartbeat again and Poppy will become less of a Poppy and more of a 'tragedy'. I've been holding my tears today in fears he would feel his mother crying, I've been staring to the sky today asking my grandparents for help, I've been praying to a God I don't know is out there, but doing it because it feels safe and comforting. I'm trying my best to hold on to a faith I feel I've lost in my weakest moments.

I'm scared to do the walk my husband and I have done 100 times before, out of the car, straight through the 40 or so feet of parking lot, down the five steps, turn right, then a left through the double doors, pee in the bathroom, then into the fertility clinic.

It's quite a routine of ours now, we probably have 40 or so videos of us making that trek, tomorrow we'll make another one. Hopefully one of the last we'll have to make....

My husband has been wonderful throughout this entire experience, and has really kept us going in these moments. He's definitely the stronger of the two of us when heartbreak strikes. Me? I like to sit in the shower with the hot water blinding me and zone out. Seems like tears blend in the shower and make everything less real.

I've been trying to keep optimistic these past three days, but I've always been of the 'prepare for the worst' mindset as to not feel Total Disappointment the day of something.

Wish us luck, all.